.... <snip> .... <snip> ... <snip> ..... <snip> .... <snip> ...
Min
I'm feeling like being a lazy rat bastard, so I brought in a couple of friends from out of town. And so, without further ado, I
present...
MR. COMMA AND THE PUNCTUATION GANG!!!
Mr. Comma: Thank you, thank you! [quiets the crowd] Now, can anyone guess who I am?
Mr. Ellipsis: My clone?
Mr. Comma: Shush, shush. No, we're not
clones, you idiot. We're very similar, except I'm shorter. I'm only usually around one second long, and you can virtually be any length greater than that!
Mr. Ellipsis: Does this mean I'm better?
Mr. Comma: No, no, no. Although not all punctuation marks are created equal, I'm better than you are. You see, you're a part of the English langauge that is used
sparingly---or should be, anyway.
Mr. Ellipsis: So... this means that I shouldn't be used 6 times in an approximately 60-word message?
Mr. Comma: That's correct. Sadly, should or shouldn't doesn't really matter in this case. It's
happened.
Mr. Ellipsis: Good heavens!
Mr. Comma: That's right. And that's not all, either. Now, what
really pisses me off is that each of those abuses were not only unnecessary, they were completely out of place.
Mr. Ellipsis: What a complete jerk-off.
Mr. Comma: Now, now, let's not be crude---I may be pissed off, but I realize that it's an easy mistake to make. It's also a very
unimportant mistake. Besides all that, the abuser's a generally decent chap, his karma holds up.
Mr. Ellipsis: Hmmm, I seem to recall this incident. You could arguably say that I'd planted myself in that message just to make it seem as if the abuser had slight Alzheimer's! [snorts]
Mr. Comma: I
said that it was an easy mistake, jackass. You may be three times as big as I am, but I've got a long curve. You don't want to be dealing with that bad boy.
Mr. Ellipsis [reddens, begins yelling]:
All right, that's it! Take off your glasses!
Mr. Comma: I haven't got any glasses, stupid. I'm a punctuation mark. You know what that means? No eyes! No temples! No nose! No---
Mr. Ellipsis roars and leaps at Mr. Comma, both roll off the stage. Sounds of a distant scuffle are audible. Fade to black.